Why do I get stressed when I go to bed?

I'm feeling it too! I literally just laid down so I can get more sleep because I only got a few hours last night as usual. It's been less than 5 minutes since laying down and I'm already feeling the stress donning upon me very slowly. I could just feel it. I don't know why and where it's coming from but I could literally feel like coming on to me right now. Like all of my senses are tuned in to reality right now and my bed is so comfortable in my sheets are so so soft and comfortable. The size of my bed is a California king or a king size or something like that and it would seem that the bed would be uncomfortable due to the fact that I got it on Amazon, but it is amazingly comfortable and still somewhat springy. But I just laid down maybe less than 5 minutes ago and I could feel the stress coming on. I could feel it because first of all it usually comes right around my back and my eyeballs. But more so in my eyeballs more than anything. And then now I'm feeling that my back is starting to get really really tense. And I'm feeling like a panic attack or an anxiety attack or something that's making me want to possibly get up in a few minutes. but if I get up my body is going to hurt because I'm getting up and laying down and getting up and laying down. I'm thinking of moving over to the sofa because last time this happened, I moved over to the sofa and it helped but I had to toss and turn on the sofa until I finally got really really comfortable. And for some reason right now I feel like this bed is feeling so amazing on my back and my body but my stress levels are starting to rise. So I'm not sure what exactly I need to do to situate this situation. I'm wondering if I need to do something on the bed maybe I don't know. Like I'm feeling like the stress is coming from some kind of energy that's close to causing me to want to have an anxiety attack but it's not scary energy to where it's going to happen and turn into an anxiety attack. So I feel like the energy is there but then I don't want the energy to be overwhelming me because I want to be able to take a nap or at least rest on my bed comfortably without any stress. But my body and my emotions are liking this bed but I don't know why this stress is starting to come to my eyeballs. It's like my blood vessels feel like they're like tensing up and the deep breathing thing is not working. So I'm not sure where it's coming from. Because I know that when I lay down other areas of my place, the stress is not usually like super high like this. It just happens to be like only on my bed for some reason. And also the fact that my place is hardwood floors and the bedroom has carpet which is what I would want if there was to be carpet somewhere I would want it to be in the bedroom. But I prefer carpet all over the place except the kitchen. But the hardwood floor situation is giving me stress too but the fact that I'm in a bedroom and the bed is just so comfortable to me and the sheets are not over starched and there's carpet in the room and it should be way more comfortable in my bedroom than it feels right now! So I'm really confused and I get confused like this every time I lay down on my bed or sit down on my bed or whatever because it starts off okay and then I feel my stress just like coming up on me like rain from a dark cloud. It's like it literally feels like that sometimes it's like feels like just like this heaviness and unhappiness that's like slowly coming up on me and that unhappiness is contributing greatly to my stress. But like it only happens when I'm on my bed. Even though my bed is one of the best beds in the world. I haven't slept on a bed like this in a long time and I still can't believe I got it on amazon. And I got certain sheets from Amazon too and no matter how many times I wash them, they are so amazing. But I think after a long time of not being home, it feels really really good to finally be home. But anytime I finally do come home, and then I lay down on the bed, I enjoy it for a few for the first few minutes and then it starts to get like really stressful and frustrating for me. And then I either have to turn on rain sounds or turn on bird sounds or nature sounds. Or I'll get back up and then go to the living room and then organize something there and then come back to the bed and then it usually doesn't help and then I'll start to toss and turn. Sometimes I'll do the thing where you know maybe I feel like it's like some kind of sexual frustration? So I've already experimented with this and felt like maybe it's got to do with sex. So what I did in the past, was you know I would lay on the bed try to wait it out and I definitely did a lot of waiting out on my bed to see if the stress would go away but it really is so damn difficult. So one day I decided to try something else and I decided not to wait it out. So in the middle of my stress not in the beginning part but like in the super crazy insane stressful part of laying on my bed, I went ahead and used a vibrator on my thing. So when I use the vibrator, and I did the thing, so when I was done, that was it. So like I could feel my entire body just obviously really relaxed. And I didn't feel as much stress but I did feel still a little bit of stress to where I had to like get up right away and then brush my teeth or use the toilet. And then I would try to go back to the bed and then go to sleep but then sometimes that sleep didn't come. And then I would either go back on my phone but as far as like the bodily stress and maybe some of the mental stress, I could feel less tension in the upper half of my body. Whereas before, like right now I feel like my lower part of my body is really relaxed. But my upper part of my body is like really tense and but when I do the thing and I orgasm by myself, it changes to where I feel like my lower half is a little tiny bit like restless but then my upper body is like super duper relax. Like there's no more attention in my upper body. There's no more tension in my upper body I meant. But like I know when I'm like doing the thing, I really like weird things like getting so like my boobs is a really big thing. So like I really like when well I would like it if you know like my boobs I have a really big thing about like my boobs getting touched or like more than just touch but like anyway doing the thing. So I'm thinking how am I going to alleviate the situation and what I've been doing almost every time I get stressed on my bed, is I just use my massager and it feels like it's actually starting to be part of the problem of stress. Because of the fact that I don't actually have a person to do that with but I'm having to mechanically do everything by myself in bed and even though it alleviates a lot of tension and stress, it's starting to cause and contribute more to new stress as well as old stress. So I'm going to have to come up with the situation where it's got to be like a mix of something. I don't know I feel like I probably just need just one thing that I got to do and then you know just wait it out. But right now I guess talking about it a little bit is helping. Because talking about it is actually distracting my mind from considering the fact that I have to go to bed alone again. So it right now talking about it like this is really just distracting me. So I feel like my stress levels are starting to come down a really small bit. But I feel like once I hit done and finish this reply, I feel like it's going to start to rise again obviously. So either I have to talk non-stop about everything like for the next 5 hours or so or I have to decide to get on medication which I really don't want to get on any kind of medicine right now. So I'm not sure what I want to do. And sometimes it takes me a really long time to orgasm because I'm already stressed out like I could feel the stress rising in my bed but like so sometimes it takes like almost an hour or two. But when it actually does happen, I try my best to like really go all out? Like when it when I'm finally about to like climax or something? Like I will deliberately sometimes try to push all of my stress and frustration into the orgasm and then like have all of that energy come out. And then that would be that. But like I feel like I maybe I have to do something fierce is what. Maybe I have to go out and do something really fierce I know that I got an all day pass for the roller coaster this week actually. And I feel like it started to like mix chemicals in my body and my brain and it mixed adrenaline or if I even have adrenaline but it mixed everything together as well as putting more dopamine in my system. So I got an all-day pass for the roller coaster and since I didn't ride a roller coaster for a really long time like a really really long time, I was really really scared. I was so scared. And I really thought that I was trying to be funny for myself and that I would get in line and then ask for a refund. But instead of asking for a refund, I was right there at the front of the roller coaster about to sit down and trust me I was really scared because they assigned me at the front seat. So I was really scared. And I really really thought that I was going to change my mind at the last minute. Because I was really thinking about it. I was really really thinking about it and then like the people in front of me at the very very front the child and her mother were writing so like it was a really young child and then it was a really old person like older than me because we all started to talk. This lady was like 59 years old and then this child was 12 years old or something along those lines and so it made me feel better that older people were on it but not many older people were actually on it but there were a few. So all kinds of things are going through my head like what if something goes wrong and you know this and that. But I feel like already I've been in a lot of situations where what if something goes wrong? You know what I mean like you can't really just be a coward and not take chances and also the fact that it's really fun to ride a roller coaster still. I just have to get over the hump of being scared so I went ahead and wrote it. And I was so scared as it took off because it was too late to get off of the roller coaster is what I was thinking. Because I was sitting there and I saw the cameras but what are cameras going to do? You know what I mean I mean the cameras can not unstrap my belt and have me change my mind because I'm already strapped into the thing. So I was really just so full of that one chemical that you get when you're having a panic attack? And then there was this giant incline and on my third time on that ride, somebody had brought their cell phone so they had to stop the coaster right as the thing was going up on this giant incline right in front of me. And they stopped it for about like 10-15 minutes actually! And I was like what's going on here and everybody was freaking out like what's going on but then they assured us that they have to stop the roller coaster because somebody has their cell phone on them. And in my mind I'm thinking who cares if they have their cell phone you know what I mean? But they stopped this cell phone or this thought they stopped this roller coaster and I was like maybe this is a sign because there was actually a part where they stopped the roller coaster where I could get off. They stopped it at a part where you are able to get unstrapped at that point as a last minute emergency if you have to get off. But it was like one of those railing areas it was like one of those exterior areas where it's last minute. So like I was really thinking about changing my mind right there. I was like this is the area if I were to change my mind this is the area before you go up on that incline. That incline okay as we were stopped there this incline was directly in front of everybody and it was like super fucking tall. Is like you looked up at it and it was like you couldn't look up at it just facing forward you had to like kill your head all the way up you had to tilt your head all the way up and then move your eyeballs up and then the top of the incline was literally right in front of you. And it was it looked so tall. And I was like telling myself if I want to change my mind this is the place to do it. This is right right here. And the fact that this person had their cell phone on them put me in a state of mind like it was a sign. It was a sign that they stopped this roller coaster as an emergency stop and it was a sign. Like I took it as a sign like this is your last chance. If you want to change your mind this is the last door and the last leveled area with these weird looking step things for you to ask to be on strapped. And to leave. And more time was going by and the coaster was not moving. It was not fucking moving at all. And I was like and then the guy behind me was like we should have rolled together or we should have rode together. Because he was freaking out too and I was like regardless of me and him were riding together, we would still be stopped at that incline right there. And I almost did and then actually I think I had decided to get off of the roller coaster finally. And then of course that was when the operator to the ride said coaster moving. And I was like wait a second I just decided to change my mind and get off and then panic started to come and I'm like wait a second I want to get off! And then right as I decide well maybe this is not a good decision and maybe this is a sign to get off right now, right as I decide that, the operator says that the coaster is back on and it's about to move again. And I'm like man so I stay on the damn coaster okay? And slowly it's going up this thing and I'm like oh my gosh I'm freaking out because the height of the roller coaster is as tall as some of the hotel casinos that are here in Las vegas! And it's going ever so slowly it's like really really slow and so I decided to go ahead and open my eyes just for a second because I had my eyes closed even on the incline. And I had my eyes closed for a lot of times during the ride. Because I did not want to see what I was getting into. So I opened my eyes ever so slightly while I was at the top and the view was really nice. And then they had this giant freaking drop and I was like oh my gosh I think I was literally the loudest one screaming on that coaster because it was really scary at some times! But some roller coasters I've ridden in the past are super duper scary. Oh my gosh I remember I rode the ride called The Riddler at the Batman area. And I can truly say that for some reason, that ride was the scariest ride I've ever ridden in my entire life and I don't know why. But the little Riddler ride is like a pendulum that goes higher and higher from side to side. And it twists the area that everyone's writing in so the little circle that everyone's on the little disc, it turns as the pendulum starts to go higher and higher from side to side and oh my gosh for some reason I don't know why but that was probably the scariest ride I've ever ridden and I've written some really scary rides but for some reason that feels like if those seats if those belts were to come off? If those belts were to come off, everyone would be swung really really high up in the air and far from the ride. So like had those straps broke off? Oh man we would be flying we would be like basically slingshotted into the air and then far off into the distance. Is what I was thinking in my head because I was like if these things come off, you know what I mean is it that thing is like shooting me up into the fucking air and then I won't have anything to land on. And I know that there's rides that have like loops and turns and I know I rode the Batman one and that was pretty scary but not as scary as that Riddler one. Oh my gosh I was so scared up there. Oh my gosh I was so damn scared and for some reason I looked over at the guy next to me and he was a teenager and in the beginning he was like really cool with it. But then for some reason, even when he got up in the air, I could see fear in his eyes. I could see it and I was like oh man it like you could just feel it like if you were tossed up in the fucking air oh my gosh it was so scary and it was not even a short ride. Because like it was like ever so slowly the giant contraption is going from side to side and it's like super heavy so it's like making the sound of your going from the side to side. It's making this giant wishing sound and it's like super heavy and it's like oh my God and it's going higher and higher up into the air oh my gosh just thinking about it right now it's like the scariest fucking thing in the world. Oh my God I thought I might freaking die and then also to make matters worse, the little thing that's on the bottom the stage or the floorboard it opens and closes so that people can have their feet dangling. So once the ride takes off the floor it starts to close or I'm not sure but something about the floor thing had me nervous too because our feet were dangling but like I felt like they were coming super close to the floorboard every time the pendulum was going back and forth so I was thinking in my head like if that floorboard starts to close while we're going side to side, our legs are going to be cut off. So I'm like oh my gosh the whole thing was just a fucking bad idea. Oh my God so scary. But anyway regarding this week's ride, once I got over the initial like scaring as factor, I started to ride the ride more. And I started to enjoy it and now what I want to do is at least try to get an all day pass for one day out of the week or like maybe one day every two weeks? Because for some reason I feel in some ways a lot stronger but not just stronger but like I feel like it mixed something up inside of me. Like it mixed something inside of my brain and like my brain because this week was a really big week for me. I did a lot of things that I needed to do. And I even did a lot of brave things and it was fine but I feel like I have to incorporate those kinds of fun things like fierce and fun things into my week because if I don't, it ends up sabotaging anything that I've that I've done for that week. Or it ends up sabotaging something good that I've built up or something good that has happened to me for that week. So right around the time when I got done with the roller coaster and then trying a different area and also I saw a show on the strip. Actually this week I saw two shows and I got to ride the roller coaster and so I actually you know did stuff. I finally got to see David copperfield. And I can truly say that Copperfield does not look like he's getting old at all. For some reason that man has like the perfect skin and he doesn't look old. And that seems to happen a lot in Nevada is like some of these guys for example in nevada, they just look like they don't get old. But sometimes they really look old. But I was able to see Copperfield then it was okay. I feel like it could be a lot better as far as what's going on and stuff like that but I went through and sat through it and enjoyed most of it. And then after I got done with Copperfield I think I went directly over to the roller coaster too. And then after I got done with the roller coaster I went to the carnival area and played a bunch of games because I decided to spend money on things other than food and shows. So I decided to try a lot of the games. And then I went to take the tram and the monorail I think. And that was interesting. And then I picked out some reward thing at the carnival desk. And then I really wanted to see car again ka again but I felt like I wanted to spread out the entertainment you know throughout the week. And I went to go see Maroon 5 yesterday and that was interesting to finally see him. And then I tried some different foods actually. I went to the different area of the Vegas strip and tried a different restaurant and it was actually really good and super different! And then I I'm not sure what else I probably did something else oh yeah I did play poker. Just to mix things up I went ahead and played some poker this week. And I did well. I did really well and actually I was only meaning to get credit for playing poker and I was not trying to go in there and play for serious money. But anytime you go into poker you should probably get serious but what I wanted to do was just get credit for it and what I ended up doing is that I went ahead and went all in which was like $100. Because I wasn't really expecting to win or lose but I ended up just going all in three times. And then all those times I ended up winning and it actually made me stay for longer! Because I was initially just trying to go all in on my first one because I wanted to go and do something else. Not because I was trying to beat somebody. But I ended up going all in like several times because I wanted the game to finish so I could do something else but what ended up happening was that I ended up winning all of those times and I ended up staying there. And so the etiquette in poker is that if you win a giant pot, you're not immediately supposed to say cash out and you're not supposed to run to the cashiers cage. You're supposed to sit there and give the other players a chance to try to win their money back or something along those lines. Because I made that mistake a long long time ago where this guy challenged me. This guy really challenged me and I ended up going all in with him too and I ended up winning a super big pot. And I didn't know that it was disrespectful to immediately say cash out and try to leave the table. Because that's what I ended up doing as soon as I won that giant pot, I was so excited that I had the money that why not get up and leave? So I started to leave but half of the table looked angry at me but the other half of the table was not angry at me. And the other half of the table that was not angry at me was trying to explain to the other players that I was new to poker and that I didn't know any better. But the other half of the table that was angry, they were upset at me for trying to leave right away because the etiquette of poker is that you're supposed to stay at least one more hand to try to give the other players a chance at making their money back. Or at least not just get up and say cash out and make it obvious that you're taking off with the money. But what was going on inside of my head was that, isn't that what I'm there for? I mean I'm there for the making the money so since I won a gigantic pot, why would I not immediately leave the table? Why would I give them a chance to make their money back? But it didn't make any sense but apparently in casinos even there is an unsaid you know rule in a lot of games and even with the casinos, they kind of think along the same ways too. As some poker players because when you talk to some of their supervisors, it's not that they don't want you to make money. They tell you that they are actually wanting you to give them a chance at making their money back. So what the casinos are saying is that with all of the comps and all of the good treatment that they give you, what they are essentially trying to do is that they are trying to make their money back from you. So like that's the same as the etiquette in poker. Is that even when you know you have the money, you know there's a lot of things that goes on is that you're trying to give each other a chance at trying to you know make their money back and stuff like that. And and that also goes for me as well. You know me as a player as well to try to make my money back as well. So everyone you know is probably thinking along the same lines essentially. And yeah there are those players where as soon as they make the money, they're going to take it with them and they're never going to give it back. But there are those players where they kind of like play this thing where I'll give you a chance to make your money back but I'm also giving myself a chance to make that money back too. So you know it's kind of like a a game that some people play and also it's a game that I play too. You know and I'm learning you know and even in poker when this last time which was this week I played poker, I didn't leave as soon as I won the pot because I remembered that that's not the etiquette. But I was thinking if I lost my all-in, that I would finally be able to leave and then go do something else. But I ended up going all in like several times in a row and winning all of those times. And so I ended up sitting there for longer than I wanted to. Even though I could have stayed for one more hand but I felt like I wasn't sure if I should leave after one hand if I did not play it or after one hand if I played it. So like I know that after I won these parts, there were cards that I folded. So I wasn't sure if I was allowed to fold the next hand and then leave with the pot that I just won? Or if I could leave after the next hand if I had played it. So like I don't know it just is something to be learned. But I feel like maybe I could probably leave after winning a giant pot after I play maybe two hands of folding in the upcoming hands. I felt like folding the next hand after winning was you know too quick or something. So I did end up leaving and it was a great time. And then I was playing with nothing but boys well guys or whatever and there was this one guy at the table. He had this accent and I was like oh my gosh you know cuz single person you know I'm a single female and I'm going to be thinking all kinds of things at any given time maybe. And so I'm sitting there you know obviously thinking about how I'm going to play poker but then this one guy ends up starting to talk and then me and him end up going on a hand or in on a pot together but then he ended up saying something to me and he had this accent and I did my thing because I really just wanted to go credit for playing poker. So I ended up going all in on him and in his accent, he said something really funny to me and then he took his time folding as he was saying something to me and I laughed and then it was really funny and then I ended up winning that pot. Because the other guy didn't want to go all in. But I wanted and got the pot and then etiquette made me stay at least one more hand but then the next hand I got I ended up getting a high cards. So I had to go in again. You know but in the beginning when I sat down and poker, I was getting really bad cards. But then they were ever so slowly coming to me and like one hand after the other it was like really good cards. And then I had to play the next hand. And then the next time after that I had to play it. And then so I finally was able to leave because I noticed some people leaving the table probably because I was playing like that because they were not ready for somebody aggressive to come to the table like that. But I was not deliberately trying to be aggressive. I was just trying to get credit. So with my dinky little $100 coming at the table where everyone has like thousands of dollars and I'm like not trying to buy in thousands of dollars at the freaking poker table. I literally all I did was just buy in $100 and that's all. But this guy with his accent I'm thinking yeah that really you know is something amazing. And then so I didn't really want to start like conversation with him on the side even though it looks like he probably did but I just wasn't sure so I decided not to start anything with him? Even though I could have easily started some kind of conversation but I did not. But what I did was instead after cashing out was I'm going from place to place and doing my thing and obviously I've got to be thinking about something. So I had to think about something. You know and I already know the different areas where I'm going to but I had to think about something else as I'm going to these different areas. And so I'm thinking you know about a lot of things and there's a lot of stuff going on and you know some good things and you know how I also want to do some new things also. And how I want to you know make sure that things are doing something and doing other things and stuff like that. And so back to the original question even though I don't really care what the original question is, is that you know I feel like there's probably something you know well I think what I want to do is you know relax and stuff like that. I won't be able to take a nap because I've never been able to take a nap lately. Unless I of course I have somebody next to me that I can take a nap with but I feel like I'm going to go and do some dishes and then probably something else. And so that's what I want to say about this thing.